It is summer. You are hot. And as you sit in the air conditioning, waiting for whatever hastily-thrown-together reality TV crap the networks can foist upon you, you look for something new. Something, at the very least, that you've never seen before.

People, we have seen the future. And it is a singing bellybutton.

Usually, we devote our immensely popular TVHole space to the weekly review of a show that catches our fancy. If you've been with us for the past four years, you know we're often a bit harsh. It takes a lot to please us. Trundle out laugh tracks, poor scripts or anything starring Ted Danson, and we get a bit ornery. We've been known to slaughter a skin puppet or two, and we like to think we had a little something to do with the passing of NBC's Thrillogy.

But we've also been known to tackle a commercial or two in our time. (Don't believe us, check out this relic....) And in that spirit, we present to you our review of Levi's new spot for something they call "Low Cut Jeans."

It all boils down to two words: Holy Guacamole.

The concept is simple. A city street. A hoppin' disco soundtrack. And a series of the strangest special effects ever rendered on a Macintosh. A sequence of women are filmed walking in a busy part of town (filmed, to all appearances, by Dr. Loveless from How The West Was Won), with their navels fully exposed. And they are a series of very attractive navels, attached to (we assume, but are never shown) a series of very attractive young ladies. And they are singing the 1980 Diana Ross hit "I'm Coming Out." Not the women. The bellybuttons.

We are not panning this commercial. We merely do not know what to think.

To be sure, the effect is eye-catching. The makers of Jumanji and Lost In Space --- two of the worst special effects films ever made --- are probably kicking themselves. ("Dammit. It's so simple. We should've just made Robin Williams' ass-crack talk!") You cannot turn away from this commercial. It's like watching a live tongue-piercing on The Learning Channel (or watching Keanu Reeves try to communicate in English). It is oddly exhilarating and truly disgusting. Imagine if the makers of your favorite anal plugs recorded a rock album. Imagine if Ron Howard made suppositories. It's Fight Club for your tummy.

Did we mention this commercial sorta messed us up?

We have to admit, the whole experience was a bit...liberating. We will never look at a bluejeans commercial the same again, nor will we be able to listen to Diana Ross music without seeing those little black 'innies' singing along. We even imagine that this incredible commercial could have a positive ripple effect on the rest of television. There are television shows, surely, that bore you to tears. Walker, Texas Ranger. Just Shoot Me. Dateline. Imagine if any of these programs followed Levi's initiative, and tried filming only the stars' bellybuttons.

Hey. It couldn't hurt.

Tubemaster