| One thing we've noticed about the current glut of game shows is that the hard cash-money available to be won has gotten pathetically small. Case in point: Fear Factor. We've seen exactly one minute of the darned thing: a safety-goggle-wearing co-ed, was lying in a bathtub of writhing, squirming, biting rats, in the hopes of winning a lousy $50,000. Man, we can't respect that! At least Survivor's contestants can claim they were doing it for a million big ones. Who hasn't imagined how far they would denigrate themselves to be filthy, stinking rich? But, 50,000 dollars? LAME. We wouldn't sit in a bathtub with the yappy dog from next door for any less than half a mill.
We would however love to be on ABC's newest game show, You Don't Know Jack, despite its woefully small payoffs. Not only to meet Paul Reubens (playing his newest character, schmarmy game show host Troy Stevens) whom we are thiiiis close to worshiping as a comic genius, but because contestants need to know, well, jack to appear on the show. Finally, a venue to showcase the vast storehouse of insignificant pop culture trivia that makes up the bulk of our brain. The very first night, contestants needed to possess knowledge of Barney, Clint Eastwood movie titles, and television sitcoms. Toss in a few David Duchovny factiods, and you have a fair inkling of the entire contents of our frontal lobe.
And, come on! Paul Reubens! How cool is he? Okay, so his timing seems a bit off. He hasn't quite worked out the rhythm of the camera cuts and the punch lines, but we're willing to bet that stuff is a whole lot less visible in the actual studio (hint! hint!).
The show is cut into several segments, where questions are worth one, two or three thousand dollars, plus the additional "bonus" type rounds. One such segment is "Dis or Dat," in which Reubens, er, Stevens, reads a statement and the contestants must decide if it applies to one of two items or both. The first episode's "Dis or Dat" was "Barney or Satan?" (Which as every mother knows, was a trick question as they are invariably one and the same.)
But our favorite round of all, is the "Two Million Dollar Question." The punch line, of course, is that nobody actually wins that much, as dollars are lost for each second from the time Reubens begins reading to the time someone actually answers. Apparently, Reubens has been taking a lesson or two from the Psychic Hotline operators on how to run up the clock. We predict the average winnings from this round will be approximately $1.09.
The downside to being a contestant on YDKJ, near as we can tell, is that losing publicly brands you as one of the most stupid people on the planet. But hey, that's a risk we're willing to take. Besides, we need money for a new stove and we're willing to show just how little we know to get it.
Ma Boggs
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