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October 2 - 8, 2000

 
Psycho Beach
Party
Is
Hilarious...

 
Cameron Makes
An Angel...

 
Tucker Is No
Malcolm...

 
NBC and
Spelling Go
Titan-ic..

 
Grosse Pointe
Skewers The
Soaps...

 
Baseball
Playoffs In The
AL...

 
Five Modern
Pentathlon
Events...

 



Recent
TVHoles:

Rocky
Truth-Telling J. Peterman In Game-Show Madness...

Citrus
When Emmys Become Oscars...

Citrus
John Henson's New Soup...

Damn
Sundance On Sophie B....

Hangover
Jason Priestley Goes Noir...

 
 NBC and Spelling Go Titan-ic
There are times, more than we should admit, when we get down on our knees and thank the gods of prime time entertainment that we have been fortunate enough to have been witness to the genius that is Aaron Spelling. God bless that funny little man.

We have just spent a blissful hour with a preview tape of his newest show, Titans, which premieres Wednesday, October 4th at 8 p.m. (ET) on NBC. (God bless NBC, too, while we're at it.)

A quick perusal of the cast roster boasted alumni from all seminal works: Melrose Place, Baywatch, and most impressively, Dallas. Who could blame us for the shivers of delight which ran up and down our spine at the mere thought of such denizens of trashy fun assembled in one, delicious new series?

(Though we've mentioned it before, it bears repeating: we have small children, and therefore no social life to speak of. Mock our enthusiasm, if you must, but Titans is about as close to Margarita Night with The Girls as we are likely to get in the foreseeable future... God bless tequila.)

A series of such magnitude should be approached with reverence, so we took a moment to ritually prepare ourselves...then, facial mask applied, Diet Coke and Cheese Puffs at the ready, we offered this, silent prayer:

"Oh, please, let it be baaaaad."

Prayers of the faithful will be rewarded. Apparently familiar with Dear Abby’s maxim ("If it ain't broke, don't fix it."), Spelling has thankfully seen fit to stick with his formula of bad acting, gorgeous costumes, and skin-skin-skin all wrapped around the sordid affairs of the fabulously wealthy: in this case, the Williams family, or rather, Williams Global Enterprises.

Perry King and Victoria Principal (what was that skin cream she was always promoting; we've got to remember to order a case or two) star as the divorced heads of this little, dysfunctional clan. Casper Van Dien, fresh from his teeth-clenching classes at the Square-Jawed School of Acting, is their prodigal (but---Ah!---adopted) son.

They are all so noble and good (if you ignore that raging Oedipus thing...ick...), but our money's on Yasmine Bleeth as the Wicked Young Thing who steals Van Dien’s heart and disappears, only to reappear engaged to daddy. Scandalous!

However, our favorite character is going to be the biological son, Mason (played by John Barrowman). Bitter, drunk and mean...we foresee great things for him.

Go ahead, condemn us for our complete lack of taste, our blind allegiance to all things Spelling-spawned, but remember this: Shakespeare was writing not for the educated elite, but the crude and bawdy mass of humanity. And given the bloodletting, raping, cross-dressing, amnesia and general mayhem in his plays, it's easy to see that our tastes haven't changed much, lo these many years.

In fact, if Shakespeare were alive today, there's a darn good chance he'd be working for Mr. Spelling.

And we'd be his greatest fan.

Ma Boggs


 


All these new shows! All these fabulous HoleCity previews! Can you possibly imagine a better source of advice on which shows you'll love and which ones'll waste your time?


Yes. My dad is Aaron Spelling. I get more preview tapes than you do.

No. HoleCity is the coolest, smartest, tallest site I can think of. Plus it has really nice teeth and only really needs to lose about 5 pounds. (Can I have my free t-shirt now?)


Last Week's Poll:
Shouldn't Julia Louis-Dreyfus have her own game show, too?

Yes. (35%) It should be called Shove The Baldwin, and consist of contestants who wager on how far Dreyfus can scream "Get Out!" and fling the Baldwin of her choice.

No. (64%) That nightmarish-looking Kramer show on NBC this Fall will be so bad, all residual Seinfeld goodwill will officially be evaporated.