January 21 - 27, 2002

A Funky French

80 Reasons To
Hate This

on the Supreme

An NFL Review
Most Random...

Five Ideas
That Seemed
Reasonable At The



Geeks Suck...

Garth Brooks Is A Pepper...

Take Our Holiday Viewing Quiz...!

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Damon and Affleck Play God...

 The Supreme Court Gets Funky
Scene: CBS Headquarters

CBS Executive: Okay, we need something to ape the other networks' successful judge and law dramas. What do you have?

Producer: We've got First Monday. It's about Supreme Court judges.

CE: You've got young hot judges? Who's in it?

P: James Garner, Joe Mantegna, Charles Durning....

CE: Dude, you're killing me! I can't air a show that doesn't have hot babes and buff hunks! We are not the Murder She Wrote network anymore! We're the Survivor network!

P: Supreme Court judges are middle-aged and older. We've checked, and there's no way around that. But the law clerks are all hot twentysomethings, and the female ones will say suggestive things, like "Would you like a bagel? I'd be happy to spread it for you, sir."

CE: Okay, that could work. What about lewd plot twists, a la David E. Kelley?

P: Oh yeah, straight out of Ally McBeal. The pilot features a hot babe lawyer bringing a case about transsexuals before the court. One of the clerks hits on her, they go salsa dancing, we have shots of her hot, gyrating bod in a sexy skintight dress on the dance floor. And then she reveals she herself used to be a man!

CE: Good. Good. I'm warming to this idea. But the bulk of the face time is the judges. Isn't the Supreme Court a little...heavy? I mean, the lawyers, cops, and doctors who populate the airwaves all have heavy jobs too, but they can lighten up after work and have sex with lots of people. Supreme Court judges can't be shown having indiscriminate sex or shooting hoops. Especially when they're played by Charles Durning. And the Average Joe can't relate to them, or envy them.

P: It's okay, we can warm them up. For example, right before heading into court, the justices all stand in a circle, put their hands in the middle for a huddle, while Garner, the Chief Justice, says, "Let's go make history!" People can relate to that. It's like football.

CE: That's a nice little touch. Do they do that in real life?

P: Definitely.

CE: Yeah (laughs). Okay, give me a scene that you think really sums up this show.

P: It's Justice Novelli's first day as a Supreme Court justice. On the First Monday, when he enters the courtroom, he takes a good look around, awed by the majesty. Sensing his thoughts, Justice Weisenberg, who is sitting next to him, smiles and says "I wet my panties my first day on the bench."

CE: A Supreme Court Justice mentions wetting her panties? She actually says "panties?"

P: Yeah. And somehow, Novelli isn't horrified by her admission, and doesn't slide away from where she's sitting, but instead takes it as gesture of camaraderie, and they clasp hands.

CE: You have a woman who's obviously worked hard all her life in order to earn enough respect to achieve the ultimate accomplishment talk about wetting her panties?

P: That's right.

CE: Sold. Fridays at 9 p.m.

Angry Girl


That '80s Show or First Monday?

T80S. Any excuse for Who Shot J.R. jokes, and I am so there.

FM. I always wondered what it would be like if my Uncle Earl (the one at Thanksgiving who constantly asks people to pull his finger) was on the Supreme Court.

Last Week's Poll:
Are you still swept up in the game-show craze?

Yes. (33%) It beats watching the last possible permutation of Friends get romantically involved with one another.

No. (66%) They lost me when Bill Cullen died.