No, not a sign that would validate our insistence that doomsday is nigh, sinner. We were just looking to diversify our financial holdings, shift some assets. We're a little stock-heavy at the moment and the market for game-used sports memorabilia is exceedingly stable. No accounting scandals going on in Corey Dillon's pants, you can be sure of that. So we hit the Web.

Our search of eBay's sports memorabilia listings returned over 1,100 game-used items. Confronted by this collection of aged, stained, un-laundered flotsam, you might think, "Can there really be 1,100 losers willing to spend their Cracker Barrel paychecks on another man's trash?"

Um...have we met?

Remember, we're value investors scouring the market for bargains. Here are the pieces that tempted us:

Item 1844724603, Florida Marlins Equipment Bag
The item description reads, "Great unique piece of Florida Marlins history, never before offered. Imagine owning a piece used by the Florida Marlins." OK, we're imagining:

"Ohmygaawwd. Is that what I think it is? A Marlins equipment bag? You are soooo hot. We want you."

Still didn't bid, though. The bag is too ripped and battered. It's pristine, mint condition merchandise we're after.

Item 1846642010, Quentin Dailey Game Used Shoes
Size 12 Pony low-tops. Yup, we bid.

Q had crazy game---great shooter, nasty handle. Unfortunately, Q also enjoyed the cocaine, limiting his focus and reliability. In all of the lore surrounding the mad, reckless pro career of Quentin Dailey, our favorite story is that he once ordered a pizza from an NBA bench. If that's not true, it should be.

There are actually two pairs of Quentin Dailey shoes offered by our motivated seller---item 1845737321 is an autographed pair of LA Gear's. You see "LA Gear" and just know the man had some addiction problems.

Item 1845798726, Artis Gilmore All-Star Game Shorts
Understand, Artis Gilmore is our favorite living thing. And these are his shorts. The 7'2" A-Train and his massive Afro controlled the paint for the Bulls in the pre-Jordan days, and he was an ABA standout with the defunct Kentucky Colonels. These are old-school NBA trunks, too, not the knee-length kilts worn today. Come to think of it, we're not entirely sure how Artis kept his A-Train in there.

Item 1846210091, Sid Monge's Indians Cap
If you look up Sid Monge in the Baseball Encyclopedia, it just reads, "Why?" Sid was exactly mediocre as a middle reliever for Cleveland in the late '70s, then he moved to the senior circuit with the Phillies and became acutely bad.

As evidence of the item's authenticity, we're shown a picture of the bill of the hat where someone clearly wrote "43 Monge" in thick black marker. How do we know it wasn't some Ohio youth living out a Sid Monge fantasy? Again, we passed.

Item # 1845900843, Don Baylor's Pants
Vintage 1975 Orioles pants, a bit worn. All right, we weren't that tempted to bid here. We just enjoy writing "Don Baylor's Pants." We're renaming the band.

Big Foam Finger