The Idol Issue
June 30 - July 6, 2003

Dear lord, what are those dancers doing with the beach towels...?

This time they're competing for the chance to get their skulls cracked on a coral reef....

"I really like chicken. I can read. I think this is a great match. We're all winners tonight...."

There aren't that many roles for men dressed as nuns, and that damn Drew Carey always gets first choice....

Arm-Wrestling Nerd Cheats By Picking Booger

Dudley Dawson, charter member of the Tri-Lam fraternity, disgraced himself and his brotherhood this weekend when he blatantly cheated during the Greek Games. During the arm-wrestling event, which the Alpha-Beta fratenity was handily winning, Dawson waited until the last moment before grasping his opponent's wrist, quickly picked his nose, then slammed his startled adversary's hand down. Dawson raised his hands in triumph. "It's just not fair," said Stan Gable, Alpha-Beta's president and chief spokesperson. "We endeavor these university olympics with the fairest mind set imaginable, and these nerds come in and cheat. It's ridiculous we could lose the presidency of the Greek Council because of this."

Coach Harris filed an immediate protest of the results, while The Ogre, another beloved Alpha-Beta brother, cried softly. However a successful appeal was not considered likely, as Dean Ulich was seen on the bandstand privately pumping his fist at the results.

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