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October 17 - 30, 2005

 
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Ricky Gervais
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The Sturm Und
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Five Coke
Fiends...

 



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 Five Coke Fiends

It's not ghetto; cocaine is a hell of a drug. Here are five who made the most of it.
Tony Montana. The Scarface protagonist proved that cocaine makes it so getting shot doesn't hurt you. He became rich, surrounded by adoring women and bodyguards, and died in a hail of bullets. As a result, Tony Montana's song catalog was immediately purchased by Suge Knight.

Kate Moss. The supermodel lost endorsements after her cocaine use was revealed. But what was she supposed to do? The FDA recently released a study saying cocaine increases metabolism and has no calories.

George W. Bush. It might not be fair to characterize GWB as a coke fiend. He was more of an aficionado. If George W. Bush's drug laws were in place while George W. Bush was using illegal drugs, he would have been locked up for life. Interestingly, George W. Bush's corporate responsibility laws would have no effect on George W. Bush's business career.

John Belushi. He liked cocaine more than he liked bacon cheeseburgers.

Steve Howe. Those grandstanding about baseball's lack of an anti-steroid policy should remember the former pitcher who was banned on seven occasions, several times for life. Once, Howe was reinstated when an arbitrator ruled that Howe was not responsible because of an attention-deficit disorder. Cocaine. It helps you focus! In any case, the lesson is that if he was left-handed and could throw hard, baseball GMs would sign Joseph Stalin.


Emil Gam