July 21 - 27, 2003

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Tony Blair is being dragged down by a lie from his dim ally George W. Bush, since this particular lie of W.'s referenced the British government (pronounced "guvmint"). Let's help out our Anglo friends with some orders for Here are five wares from over there:
Marmite. This brand is evidently one of baby Jeeves' first foods. A dark-colored paste made from the yeast byproducts of brewing (really!), Marmite can be spread on toast, or used to spackle the loo. And the riddle of Britain's poor performance in the Olympics is solved.

Walker's Prawn Cocktail Crisps. Crisps are chips. And prawns are like shrimp. So these are shrimp chips. As helpfully points out, "they really taste like it." At least the British are honest.

Ambrosia Creamed Rice. While it's the only item discounted on the site, Ambrosia Creamed Rice has a loyal following. It's the type of following that wants fragrant, creamy starches delivered via mail, and demands to know the expiration date of the fine foods it orders. Rest easy, mail-order Ambrosia Creamed Rice fans. has plenty in stock with a 2004 expiration date, meaning there's still 5% of the original shelf life left.

Black Pudding. Black pudding is pudding in the same way head cheese is a dairy product. This "pudding" is typically congealed pig's blood contained in a section of intestine. If you were too disgusted to get through that last sentence, remember the slogan of the Black Pudding Trade Association. "If you're not eating congealed pig's blood from inside a length of intestine, you're not eating black pudding!"

Hovis Digestives. Admittedly, British English and American English are different. Like the word "lorry". There it's a truck; here it's a Tank Girl. But do crackers called "digestives" really translate? Perhaps we should ask recent consumers of black pudding.

Emil Gam