July 15 - 21, 2002

Five Cosmo

Five Frozen
Red Sox...

Five Good
Things About The
Crocodile Hunter:

Disappointments In Reign
Of Fire

Five New
Jersey Turnpike Rest

Head-Scratching TV

Five Trends In
Modern Music
That Make You
Cringe (Non-Ska

Five Real
Estate Lies...

Five Stocks To



Five Types Of TV Warnings...

Five Minor League Baseball Promotions...

Five Protectorates...

Five Who Blew It...

Five Company Slogans...

 Five Good Things About The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course will never be mistaken for Great Film, but it's a damn good time at the movies. The only way it could have been better was if all the reptiles had been fed to mammals, but that's just our genus-related prejudice talking. Here, the five best things about The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course:
The "Plot." The filmmakers wisely decided to let Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin do what he does best, and fashion a story around him. In this case, the black box of a downed intelligence satellite has gone missing down a croc's gullet, and "CIA agents" (played by Aussie actors with varying American accents) are trying to get it back. Meanwhile, in his own happy oblivion, Steve just does his thing. Very good call.

The Music. Every group of characters get their own theme! The grumpy rancher, Steve and his wife Terri, the CIA agents...we're pretty sure the Australian Department of Forestry employee even had his own ditty. Things get really fun when characters and themes collide.

Sui The Long-Suffering Dog. How does she do it? Sui's been with Steve for 13 years now, making her long-suffering and way old. But she's a little trooper, whether she's curled up asleep with a baby kangaroo in the truck or giving Steve that "please not again" look as he wrestles a big, angry reptilian death machine into their boat and she cowers in a very healthy fear.

Terri Irwin. It can't be easy, being the rock-solid straight man [sic] to Steve's wild and crazy guy. But as our Bad Movie Buddy pointed out, those two have got to have stratospheric sex what with all the adrenaline produced by croc-wrangling. And when we say "rock solid," we mean it literally; that woman's got Earl Campbell biceps.

Steve Himself. The man's certifiable; who else but an utter nutbar would actively seek out, corral and taunt lethal critters just to show the rest of us how "goah-juss!" they are? But his energy and genuine love of these critters are infectious. Plus, insanity = good viewing.