March 27 - April 2, 2000

Daddio (NBC)
Making The
Band (ABC)

Battery Park

We Take It




H. Ross Perot Purchases

On the Dais of the Dead

Boys from a middle school locker room

Game Shows

Desperate For Awards

 Five Non-Military Sergeants

Here are five sergeants Uncle Sam didn't want:
Some are born Kennedys (Caroline and John John), some achieve Kennedyness (Sargent Shriver), and some have Kennedys thrust upon them (waitresses at Hooters). Sargent Shriver married into the Kennedy clan and taught his daughter to marry up as well, but he didn't always choose his partners so wisely. Shriver was George McGovern's vice-presidential candidate in a landslide loss. Worse, McGovern only chose Shriver after it was revealed that his first choice had received electroshock treatment. Thank goodness society has progressed to the point where a mentally ill person can be vice president.
With an independent media no longer a reality, Americans need to look to new sources for political debate. The loudest Gulf War protests came from Sergeant Slaughter, the wrestler who wasn't so much protesting military action as he was rooting for Iraq. That a man who used to hit the Iron Sheik with folding chairs would take such a brave stand on Middle Eastern sovereignty proves we don't need CNN or ABC to be objective as long as we have the WWF.
Parliamentary discussions in many other countries frequently involve hissing or outright fisticuffs. The U.S. Congress is occasionally more dignified, and the Sergeant-At-Arms in the House of Representatives is largely to thank. Order reigns in the House because the Sergeant-At-Arms carries a mace. Really. You probably won't see a fight on C-SPAN unless the combatants are in suits of armor and preparing to joust. As with all American government offices, there are checks and balances. The Sergeant-At-Arms' jurisdiction is limited to the House side of the Capitol. It is a sensible precaution, though violators of House order have found refuge from the mace-wielding maniac by fleeing toward the Senate, a la Bo and Luke Duke crossing the Hazzard county line one step ahead of Roscoe P. Coltrane.
Sergeant Joe Friday was the most prominent of early TV cops, but he's clearly dated, having never appeared naked on the show or even sexually assaulting a perp with a plunger.
Digitization has improved music quality, but it has killed the album cover. Gone is the era when a band could make a political statement with album covers containing naked women or a working zipper. Perhaps the most famous album cover ever was for the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album. The cover art had the lads in full mariachi gear surrounded by unauthorized pictures of many famous people and more drug references than Glaxo Wellcome's annual report. Try that with your fancy-schmance MP3.

Emil Gam