'Hole Name: Tubemaster

Real Name: Chris Harris, a.k.a. Beagle Boy

Meaning of Life: He Who Writes The Most Irreverent Self-Description Wins.

Bust Size: 40-AA

Turn-Ons: Long walks on the beach. Incredibly self-serving lists of 'Holes I've written. Thomas Pynchon. Razorblades.

Turn-Offs: Cancer. Nostril lint.

All-Time Favority Sports Moment: Cornell wins 1996 ECAC Tournament. I get drunk, play a dozen games of bubble hockey, pass out.

Ideal Game: The "TVHole-Miraculously-Writes-Itself" Game.

Wildest Place I Ever Watched TV: At 20,000 feet in a blimp with Truman Capote and 25 vats of shaving cream.

Why I Decided To Pose For The 'Hole: Isn't it obvious? For the babes!


'Holes by Tubemaster:

SportsHole 8/16/1999 Anyone But Tiger
TVHole 9/20/1999 It's Like...Oh Grow Up
TVHole 9/20/1999 Simpsons Answers Question: Wherefore Art Thou, Conan O'Brien?
FiveHole 9/27/1999 Five Ryder Cup Bummers
SportsHole 10/4/1999 By The Time You Read This, I Will Be Dead
TVHole 10/12/1999 They're Coming...
SportsHole 10/25/1999 Of Empires Evil and Sweet
SportsHole 11/1/1999 Bowden's Neck Should Be On Tomahawk Chopping Block
SportsHole 11/15/1999 Sports: It's Not About The Funny
SportsHole 12/13/1999 Welcome to your week.
SportsHole 1/10/2000 2000 Ball Crystal Clear
SportsHole 1/18/2000 Coaches Curse Cockamamie Carousel
SportsHole 1/30/2000 Georgia Does Georgia
TVHole 2/14/2000 Bad Feds, Bad Feds: X-Files Meets COPS
SportsHole 2/14/2000 Salary Cap Good, Irritable Fathead Veterans Bad
SportsHole 2/28/2000 I Was Blind, But Now I Vince
SportsHole 3/13/2000 Madness
NewsHole 3/13/2000 Pope, Streisand Beg Forgiveness
SportsHole 3/27/2000 We Take It Back
SportsHole 4/10/2000 Jet-Lagged By America's Pastime
SportsHole 4/24/2000 TV Schedule Keeps NBA On Life-Support
SportsHole 5/8/2000 Is It Really The Sport Of Kings?
TVHole 5/15/2000 No Kidding: Sycophants Love Sundance
SportsHole 5/22/2000 Knicks-Heat Rivalry Makes For Throat-Clutching Fun
SportsHole 6/19/2000 Tiger's Yawn Tames Pebble
MovieHole 7/24/2000 Who You Callin' Chicken?
SportsHole 7/31/2000 Sloppy Seconds In Cooperstown
SportsHole 8/14/2000 They Got Game...Sort Of...
MovieHole 8/21/2000 It Rhymes With "Buck" and "Chuck" and...
SportsHole 9/11/2000 Remember Parity?
SportsHole 9/25/2000 They Shoot Skeet, Don't They?
TVHole 10/9/2000 Far West of Eden
SportsHole 10/9/2000 The Separation of Fox and State
TVHole 10/30/2000 Get Carter: X-Files Premiere Finally Arrives
NewsHole 11/13/2000 Election Shocker: Man Wastes Vote
SportsHole 11/20/2000 BCS? Bowden’s Computer Stinks
TVHole 1/8/2001 The Game Of Grounded For Life
SportsHole 1/15/2001 Dilfer's Spine, Lewis' Limo and Super Ravens!
NewsHole 1/22/2001 Bush Scandal Rocks Washington
SportsHole 1/29/2001 Raven' About Justice
TVHole 2/19/2001 NASCAR Comes To Fox...
SportsHole 2/26/2001 "What A Special, Special Kid..."
SportsHole 3/12/2001 The Cure For Bracket Social Disorders
SportsHole 3/26/2001 It's Favorite City, Bay-Bee!!!
NewsHole 4/2/2001 Domino's Shocker: Andy Actually Very Good
SportsHole 4/9/2001 Baltimore Fans Cheer Wrong Team
SportsHole 4/23/2001 Time To Shoot This Draft Horse
SportsHole 5/14/2001 The XFL Dies
TVHole 5/21/2001 The Truth Is...Mediocre
SportsHole 5/29/2001 Forget The Sticks And Stones: Get Out The Tongue-Cuttin' Knife!!!
SportsHole 6/25/2001 Red Sox Win, New England Still Miserable
TVHole 7/2/2001 Bringing New Meaning To The Phrase "Navel Intelligence"
SportsHole 7/9/2001 Torre Is Seeing Stars
SportsHole 7/23/2001 Do They Make Gummi Egos?
SportsHole 8/6/2001 They Shoot Skeet, Don't They?
SportsHole 8/27/2001 PGA? "Pretty Gals Attach!"
MovieHole 9/10/2001 Return Of The Homophobe
SportsHole 9/10/2001 No Offense League: Week One
TVHole 10/1/2001 A Sitcom With No Sporting Chance
SportsHole 10/1/2001 "I'm A Ath-uh-lete..."
SportsHole 10/15/2001 Who Are The NFL's Best?
SportsHole 10/29/2001 Should We Hate The Yankees?
SportsHole 11/12/2001 Steeeeeee-rike Two!
TVHole 11/19/2001 The Facts Of X-Files Life
TVHole 11/26/2001 Touched By Something
SportsHole 11/26/2001 A Feast For The Groin
TVHole 12/3/2001 Red Light! Green Light!
SportsHole 12/10/2001 Coming This Summer: Professional Badminton!
SportsHole 1/7/2002 Cris Carter: The Teflon Wide Receiver
SportsHole 1/7/2002 AFC Playoffs: The Champagne's Not Kordell
SportsHole 1/14/2002 Sunday Night Excrutiatingnessitude
SportsHole 1/21/2002 Snow Football and Favre Follies
SportsHole 1/28/2002 His Name Is Henry
SportsHole 2/4/2002 Experts Still Like Rams Blowout
SportsHole 2/11/2002 Olympic Coverage: "Karpolsev Beats Olgicky! Karpolsev Beats Olgicky!"
NewsHole 2/11/2002 Olympic Shocker: Other Nations Allowed To Compete
TVHole 2/18/2002 Some Serial...It's Supposed To Be Good For You
SportsHole 2/25/2002 "Will The Fat Pinstriped Millionaire Please Report To The White Courtesy Telephone?"
NewsHole 2/25/2002 North American Leaders Acknowledge Russia Conspiracy
TVHole 3/4/2002 You Have Ten Seconds To Read This TVHole
SportsHole 3/4/2002 Yankees, Microsoft Named In Anti-Competitive Suit
SportsHole 3/11/2002 Tourney Time And The Upsets Are Fine
SportsHole 3/25/2002 CBS Dances Through The Madness
SportsHole 4/1/2002 HoleCity Correctly Predicts Basketball Game
SportsHole 4/8/2002 More False Teeth Than A Bee Gees Concert
SportsHole 4/15/2002 NFL Draft 2002: Teams Take Their Medicine
SportsHole 4/22/2002 Sports Fights We'd Like To See
MovieHole 5/6/2002 Everybody Says I Bore You
TVHole 5/27/2002 Counterpoint: 'Different' Ain't Automatically 'Great'
TVHole 6/10/2002 ABC's Documentary Lobotomy
SportsHole 6/24/2002 World Cup Soccer: Enjoy The Fantasy
TVHole 7/1/2002 Coming This Summer: America Gets Dumber!
FiveHole 7/15/2002 Five Stocks To Dump
SportsHole 7/22/2002 Why NASCAR? Iverson's A Great Reason
SportsHole 8/19/2002 Counterpoint: Fehr Strikes Out
NewsHole 11/11/2002 Republicans Win, Aunt Ethel Mocks Niece And Nephew
TVHole 12/9/2002 Supersonic Boom
SportsHole 12/16/2002 NFL Week 15: Schottenheimer Trumps Lewis
MovieHole 1/6/2003 An Ambitious, Self-Devouring Adaptation
SportsHole 2/3/2003 Vanderjagt's Right: These Guys Suck
NewsHole 3/10/2003 Dogs Who Love Cats? Not For These Gals
SportsHole 4/14/2003 LeBron Takes Manhattan
SportsHole 5/19/2003 An Acre Of Laker Heartbreak
SportsHole 6/9/2003 Funny Cide Loses, American Dream Dead
SportsHole 7/7/2003 Lakers To Dominate, Lance To Subjugate, Selig Can't Masturbate
SportsHole 7/28/2003 Who'll Stop The Yankees? (2003 Edition)
TVHole 10/6/2003 Rush To Judgement
TVHole 10/27/2003 The Kid Shouldn’t Stay In The Picture
NewsHole 11/24/2003 Economy Looking Great, Experts Say
NewsHole 1/19/2004 News Capsules: Britney Accidentally Marries Self
TVHole 2/9/2004 The Teat Heard 'Round The World
NewsHole 2/23/2004 Gibson Fan Has Passion For Blood Squibs
TVHole 3/1/2004 Oscar The Grouch
SportsHole 3/29/2004 "Next On ESPN...More Programming About ESPN!"
TVHole 4/19/2004 I Got Two, Babe
SportsHole 5/10/2004 Hockey's Big Freeze
NewsHole 6/14/2004 Dozens Of Celebrities Line Up To Be Third
SportsHole 7/12/2004 'Roid Rage Sweeps Nation
SportsHole 11/1/2004 Curse Of The Redbird
NewsHole 11/8/2004 Civil War: Part Deux
FiveHole 11/15/2004 Five Cabinet Resignees
SportsHole 12/13/2004 Ouch. That Stove Is Hot.
SportsHole 12/20/2004 Karma, Thy Name Is T.O.
SportsHole 1/17/2005 I Was As A Dumb Man That Openeth Not His Mouth (NFL Edition)
TVHole 2/7/2005 Homoeroticism And Death: It's Super Bowl Ad Time!
SportsHole 2/21/2005 NBA All-Stars: I Love THIS Game?
NewsHole 3/21/2005 Quayle: Murphy Brown "Still Ruining America"
SportsHole 5/2/2005 A Horse You Can Really Root Against
SportsHole 6/20/2005 "Hey, At Least I Finished Sixth"
FiveHole 7/11/2005 Five Unfortunate Superhero Movies
SportsHole 7/25/2005 Antarctica Hoping To Land NHL All-Star Game
SportsHole 8/1/2005 Killing And Barfing: It's ESPN's Way
TVHole 8/8/2005 A Comedy For The Barfy Among Us
TVHole 8/15/2005 There's No There There
TVHole 9/19/2005 Gimme A Break
TVHole 1/23/2006 Bad King Wenceslas
TVHole 1/30/2006 A Million Little Feces
SportsHole 1/30/2006 Steelers vs. Seahawks: It All Comes Down To Serum
FiveHole 4/3/2006 Five Underrated Toys
NewsHole 5/22/2006 Da Vinci Code Offensive To Buddhists, Too
SportsHole 6/26/2006 Flop-Flop, Fizz-Fizz, Oh What A Relief It Is
TVHole 9/18/2006 Sorkin's New Studio

Contributions to SinkHole (729)

Display SinkHoles for year: 2000 (12) 2001 (4) 2002 (42) 2003 (380) 2004 (111) 2005 (112) 2006 (68)

8/8/2000: Buena Vista Social Club (PBS) Ry Cooder's famed quest to capture the music of Cuba leads to the formation of a band of veteran Cuban musicians who are still touring today and leaving cigar ash throughout the world. It is an amazing flick, tho. Rating: 4 Falcos

8/8/2000: Sammy (NBC) An actor's father reunites with his family years after abandoning them. This episode: James gets a book deal. With the voice of David Spade, whose incredible magnetism couldn't get this dreck aired away from the summer static. Rating: 2 Gromits
8/8/2000: West Wing (NBC) The White House Pro-Am -- NBC's Wingathon continues with one of the more annoying episodes of the past season: Rizzo from Grease inexplicably shows up as the First Lady and starts pulling Oprahs on everybody's ass. Rating: 3 Clintons
8/9/2000: Big Brother (CBS) The Day I Ate That Blonde Guy's Foot -- This is the true story ("True Story!") of what happens when people stop getting polite ("Will you get the phone?"), and start getting REAL! But what the hell. If you loved Puck, you'll love this drivel. Rating: 2 Coxen-Arquette
8/9/2000: Young Americans (WB) Winning Isn't Everything -- Scout is excited about uniting Bella and his father during Parents Weekend, while Jake does some other shit...Jesus...why why why why why why why why why why why why why? Rating: 1 Dawson
8/9/2000: Beverly Hillbillies (Nickelodeon) Crazy Repeat -- Jed and Jethro do something silly. Grandma sneers at Mr. Hathaway. Ellie Mae makes American boys feel...funny down there. We don't know, and we don't care, but we luv dem Hillbillies. Rating: 4 Skippers
8/10/2000: Arena Football 2 (TNN) Championship Game -- As if the regular Arena Football League wasn't exciting enough, The Nashville Network brings you Hillbilly Arena Football. The only real difference is no facemasks and Catherine Bach (Daisy Duke) sings the national anthem. Rating: 3 Bosses Hogg
8/10/2000: Prancer (PBS) No, it's not the story of David Bowie and Mick Jagger's sordid 1970s affair. Instead, an injured reindeer brings hope to a mom-less kid. It's cu-u-u-ute. Rating: 3 Neves
8/10/2000: Charmed (WB) P3 H2O -- Shannen Doherty and Alyssa Milano romp around a summer camp trying to evade drowning demons. Especially touching is the appearance of Holly Marie Combs as "That Other Witch Chick." Rating: 2 Flynns-Boyle
8/11/2000: Grease (TNT) You know the story, you know the songs, you know the glistening Travolta chin dimple. Astonishing lack of Brooke Shields as Rizzo condemns this film to lower rating than it might otherwise achieve. Rating: 3 Travoltas
8/11/2000: Supermax Prisons (TLC) A kickass look at two maximum security prisons which enforce a 23-hour isolation period. This ain't exactly Steve McQueen bouncing a rubber ball off the wall of a Nazi cooler in The Great Escape. Rating: 5 Andy Dicks
8/11/2000: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Limitations -- For a pretty good series, this one is devastatingly unsatisfying. A five-year-old sexual assault case is reopened, and our way-too-pretty-to-be-cops heroes have to investigate before the statue of liberty runs out. Or something. Rating: 2 Rick Schroeders

Display SinkHoles for year: 2000 (12) 2001 (4) 2002 (42) 2003 (380) 2004 (111) 2005 (112) 2006 (68)